Salmon With A Warm Chickpea & Brussel Salad

I have a great love of Middle Eastern food. I have had this for as long as I can remember. I was eating hummus as a kid, people re: other kids, were always making fun of me cause of it. My how things have changed now. 

I live in an area that you could only describe as quite heavily populated by Arabic and European people. Turkish, Lebanese, Greek and Jewish food feature heavily, and you know what I fricken LOVE it. Their food is amazing. I should know, my mother is a Ruski, and my father Greek.

I was a little apprehensive at first about living here, ashamed to say because of this, but now not knowing what in the world I feared in the first place! It was all the years of being brought up in the Eastern suburbs. It is very very sheltered, and not in a good way. It makes you hate what you fear, or what you don't understand. RIDICULOUS! Its not a good thing to breed this in children, it makes them hate when they are adults. Anyway I could go on and on, this is something I'm very passionate about.

I have always got sumac, and other "exotic if you will" spices etc on hand. Lucky enough to buy it so fresh, it tastes so different to the Woolies variety. I love to throw them into everything. The lovely tang sumac lends to dishes is delightful.

This dish came about from my love of Middle Eastern food, as well as a MAJOR love of brussel sprouts. Brussels are so polarizing. I don't get it, I adore these little babies so much, I'm trying to grow my own ATM. I was so happy the night I saw little G enjoying them as much as her Mummy does!

Serves 2

2 pieces fresh Salmon

1/2 red onion
2 garlic
4 large mushrooms

1/2 glass wine

1 tablespoon sumac
pinch cumin
1 teaspoon chicken stock powder
1 can chickpeas rinsed and washed, or use dried
brussel sprouts
1/2-1 lemon juice, I used a whole lemon
bunch herbs, I used coriander and parsley

tahini sauce to serve

I use my stick blender to make the tahini sauce, and I don't add garlic. But you can add a small amount if you wish. I prefer it without cause I like to have it in sandwiches etc.

Meanwhile start cooking the salmon to your perference, I like it fried, still slightly pink with this dish. In the time that this has finished cooking, the salad will be ready!

For the salad, start by frying the onion and garlic in olive oil, gently until it has softened, this takes about 15 minutes. Add the mushrooms, and let them sweat and colour slightly. Then add everything else, except the lemon juice and fresh herbs.

Cook this to your preference. You might like the sprouts slightly crunchy or cooked through. Then add the lemon juice and fresh herbs. Cook for a minute or two, at this point you can add a knob of butter to create a bit of a sauce. Serve it up!


Modern Arabic:
(bil-hanā' wa ash-shifā') بالهناء والشفاء / بالهنا والشفا
may you have your meal with gladness and health

Sweets For My Sweet AKA Gooey Brownies

I have possibly an indecent love of Jamie Oliver, well not really the man, but the food! This man makes the kinda food I love! But let's face it I love all kinds of food!

Now I am loving the "new" series 15 minute meals, but Im not the biggest fan of anything low fat. I dont care about calories and whatnot. I only want to make fresh and healthy food for myself and my family. And that doesn't include anything low fat *gasp*

This brownie is from his 30 Minute Meals series. Seriously adapted. Less butter, and NO sugar. It still tastes amazing, trust me...Im a chocoholic. I really am, I prefer to eat the good stuff and savour it, you know? The darker the better.

The husband spends a lot of time away now. I am slowly getting used to not having him around all the time. Its not the ideal situtaion, but you have to soldier on. Otherwise you get lonely. So very very lonely. No matter how many people you have around you, its not your partner. Its not the same.

Does his absence make the heart grow fonder?.... Possibly?

Does it make me love him more?.... Maybe?

I hope this all happens for the greater good, cause i'm sick of being on my own.

When he is going to be home, I love nothing more than spoiling him with food, "how very 1950's of me" you say! I know and I LOVE IT! This is who I am. I relish looking after my family, the cooking and cleaning. This is my job. This is what I do. I take pleasure in doing it, and doing it well.

I am not perfect by any means, the house can be tragic and feral sometimes. But really who cares when you are having so much fun!

I'm no Martha Stewart, I don't sew, iron (I'm sure they make you do this in HELL) or fashion clothes out of curtains, or any curtains for that matter, but I can clean and cook!

These brownies make everything better. They hide the fact I haven't ironed my husbands work shirts....EVER. The smell alone makes most very happy. Imagine walking through the front door and having that smell smack you in the face.

Please feel free to adorne this beauty however you like. We like fruit and nuts. And it is mandatory that you lick the bowl and spoon! 

Makes 8-12

ingredients
200 grams dark chocolate
180 grams butter
6 tablespoons cocoa
4 tablespoons self raising flour
4 eggs
pinch of salt
and up to 200 grams sugar, I don't add any. YEP NONE!
berries, chocolates and/or nuts, whatever and however much you wish to add.

Preheat the oven to 200C.

Melt the butter, then add the chocolate to melt that gently.

Mix all the ingredients together, no need to sift and be precious, this is why I love baking it. Then pour into a baking paper lined brownie tin. I have a small rectangular tin, not square. So you will have to bake a little longer if you own a square tin.

Bake in 200C oven for 12-14 minutes.

They come out gooey/soft in the middle, just the way we like them. They also continue to cook in the pan slightly.


Also I always use a dark eating chocolate with about 40% cocoa solids, like Lindt or Nestle. I never bother with cooking chocolates. I find that this is sweet enough for us without adding extra sugar. But in saying that, we don't like anything too sweet, and have been eating like this for a while. 
I would rather enjoy a little sweet every now and then, than quit sugar forever. I find this silly. Very very silly... 

My Heart Is Aching

Yesterday was Valentines Day. You either love or hate this day, I'm on the love side. I love the love. But I hate the flowers and dinners etc, blergh! I like to remind my husband that I love him, and how much he means to me.

Normally i would be baking something sweet and making a favourite dinner.

See I had an appointment with an OB. I was....am....was pregnant.

I was hoping it was going to be an extra special, mushy, lovely day with the thought a little baby bean was growing in me. I was mentally preparing who I was going to tell everyone the wonderful news.

I has not been a fun pregnancy to say the least. I have had spotting through out. This worried me greatly, so off I went to have an ultrasound scan when I was about 5-6 weeks along. Everything seemed fine. There was even a faint little heartbeat. We could see it. A-fricken-mazing. This helped to reassure me a little that it wasn't a miscarriage. It was a bleed on the outside of my uterus, not anything that could cause a miscarriage.

I continued my days, feeling very sick, which is a wonderful positive sign of a strong healthy, viable pregnancy.

I had cravings. Not to mention many thing's that repulsed me at the thought, let alone smell of them!
I had the morning/all day sickness.
I felt pregnant, I looked pregnant, I was showing! JOY!!

Then yesterday I had my first appointment with an OB. I couldn't wait to see the little one again. But something was stopping me from being happy and excited about this pregnancy. It was a feeling I had for a few days that something wasn't right.

I went for my ultrasound. It looked the same. I knew straight away something was wrong. I could tell even before the technician said anything to me, it was bad. It should of been bigger, there should of been a heartbeat. I felt sick, and started to cry. The poor woman doing the scan. Anyway she wanted to do an internal to make sure.

Nope still nothing. The baby died sometime between scans. I couldn't stop crying.

I'm normally a very private person, the reason I talk about my miscarriages, is cause I think not enough women do. 1 in 4 women will have a miscarriage, and not just one!

Back upstairs we went to the lovely OB. We discussed what the plan was. I was going to wait in hope that my body will miscarry the baby without medical intervention. He has given me 2 weeks. There is nothing medically wrong with me. Nothing to explain why this keeps happening to me.
All i had running through my head was "fuck, not again, I can't fucking do this again!"

This is the fourth time now. I could have 4 kids with the 5th on the way! Oh my, I wish I would love to be surrounded by kids. I love being a mother, its the best thing I've ever done, and I'm damn good at it. I make no apologies for that.

I'm sitting in my kitchen, writing this post, actually not sure if Ill hit publish, its so painful so raw still.

Looking outside at the rain, trying to type through just as many tears. Sitting and waiting for a miscarriage to happen, the bleeding the pain, all the while looking at my tiny little belly.

I hope this encourages women to talk about their pain of miscarriage more and more. We shouldn't have to be silent about it. We need to talk, write or whatever about it.

I went for a walk with my husband in Parramatta Mall. I wanted to be around people, lots of people. I love life, and wanted to feel part of something for a little while. We went and had a coffee at Three Ropes, and also had a bite to eat. I remember thinking, as I was leaning against the wall, watching people rushing through the lane way talking my time sipping my coffee, why is this happening again? What did I do? Why do other people, who don't seem to care have so many kids? Why can't I? Most importantly, I couldn't wait to go see my girl for a big hug. I needed it.

I won't be trying for anymore kids now. I'm done. My heart has no more room for heartache. I want to be able to be strong for my daughter, not to let her see me cry, or be scared like I am of whats to come. I feel sick thinking about whats going to happen. But I know Ill get through it, I always do. Its not true, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I'm broken, beyond repair.