Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Babies

I read a beautiful post on Fat Mum Slim's blog. It was about the time when Chantelle was pregnant, and how she couldn't get enough of the birthing stories, and the wanting of the magical moment when you finally meet your bub. You can read Fat Mum Slim's blog here.

I had a miscarriage last year that has affected me in so many ways. I cry at almost anything now! I now also suffer from anxiety and some panic attacks. I never used to be like this, but now I cry all the time. Even commercials get to me, I just have to see the pedigree adoption drive, oh the gorgeous little scruffy puppy! Or the world vision ads, they all make my bottom lip quiver. I am such a wimp now!

I see babies and think about how beautiful they are, even when they are screaming, snotty and horrible. I read about the sleep depriving nights and days, and how intensely I want them too....

I know one day I will be a mummy. I know that even if I didn't give birth to that child, that I will still feel that intense love. The moment you meet your child and the agonising love you feel.

I have waited for such a long time now that it is so hard to always be positive. And I think I will positively scream the next time I hear a anyone tell me, NOT to think about it and it will happen!

Now, I obsessively fill my days with food, what to buy? what to cook? what to eat? But it is always in the back of my mind. I can't help it.....

4 comments:

  1. Leah, I'm so sorry, I can feel the tears behind your words. I really hope that you can find some comfort in reading the eulogy I wrote for my lost pregnancy, over at this page: http://www.kismuth.com/dive Kind of a long, complex story, but it's way at the bottom, just scroll. Hugs, Dipika

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    1. Thank you for your comment it means a lot to me.
      Leah.

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  2. :( I do understand what you mean, I was like you before we fell pregnant. Tears and tears and so much anxiety about it all.

    Thinking of you today.

    xox

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    1. It's a painful process isn't it?
      I'm so happy you re about to become a mummy. This is one lucky little man.

      Leah xo

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