Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Hanging On By A Thread....Barely

I have now been living with the In Laws a little over 4 months. It feels like so much longer. It doesn't feel like it is working out at all. This was meant to be a time that the Husband and I could save a little money, to help give us a boost. So far it seems to not be working out, mentally anyway.

All this has made me a horrible person. Has made me question so much about myself.
Is it the mumma gene taking over? Am I becoming, what I have always dreaded? A mother that doesn't like anything her In Laws do? That is a little too over protective of her child?

When it is just Georgi and I, i find I am at my happiest. No anxiety, we have so much fun together. She is always laughing at her mumma, and I don't question myself, EVER. I think I am a good parent. She is a wonderful baby, honest. She eats and sleeps very well. And she's generally a happy baby.
Most of the time I think, let it go, let them do whatever they want, the kid won't remember. But sometimes, my blood just boils and I get so angry! I need to learnt to calm down. Take a breath, walk away from it. Why do I get so upset? So frustrated, tired, anxious, angry, so teary? Is it part of being a parent? Or am I the only crazy lady?

I am so over my living situation that I have wanted to walk out many times, on everything and everyone, the only problem is I have no where to go. And I need to think about Georgi first. Not my own selfish needs to get away.

I have been told I am a sensitive person. I disagree to a point. I think yes, I am sensitive, but sensitive to negativity ALL. THE. TIME. The whole reason why we moved around so much was to get away from it all. Now I'm right in the thick of it. Again. *sigh*

I understand that people can't always get along, but they can be civil, or at least pretend? Can't they?
There is only so much a person can take before they SNAP! I feel it on the horizon, and I'm trying my best to keep it at bay. I have been going for long walks to help soothe my crazy mind, even if it is out to shopping centres, this is great for G she loves to people watch, she is super nosey my little girl.


OK. END OF RANT, now deep breath Leah...


24 comments:

  1. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I think most people wouldn't be very happy after a long stay with their in-laws, or even their own parents.

    All I can say is remember that you will soon be out of there and just with your two loves, your hubby and baby. Maybe talk to your hubby and tell him how you are feeling and that you'd like some more alone time or not to be criticised as much, they are his folks so he should really be stepping in, as much as we love our parents it's our partners that we need to support.

    Just 'hang in there baby'.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're right, "now deep breath Leah"!!! I HATE being forced to spend time with negative people - I can think of a few family members myself. Living with it must be so difficult. Keep thinking that soon you'll be free. Soon, right?? I hope so, lovely. Find a good outlet, like this blog, for example & get all your frustration out. Find your happy place. Thinking of you!
    Heidi xo
    ps i love that little G love to people watch, how cute!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. she is super cute! Thanks Heidi :D

      Delete
  3. Oh sweetie, I really feel for you.
    I hope that the light at the end of the tunnel is getting closer and brighter.

    I do not speak to my inlaws

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh Sammie that makes me sad for you, and Abi.
      In Laws are so difficult arent they. It makes me wonder how i got such a wonderful husband.

      Delete
    2. I'm hearing you! How can we have such wonderful men and crappy in laws!
      No love lost and I honestly am very glad that they aren't really in our lives.
      They have seen Abi only a handful of times and that suits me just fine!

      I'm looking forward to moving so that we NEVER have to see them!

      Delete
    3. Moving sounds like such a great idea right now. A new start somewhere.
      Good luck with your move back to Melbs xo

      Delete
  4. It sounds stressful. Living with my inlaws would break me. It really would. I'm not ever going to do that in this lifetime. When do you leave? Hopefully soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. SUPER STRESSFUL! i always said never, but well, never say never :P

      waiting for a few things to happen first before we can move out. Longest wait of my life!

      Delete
  5. Leah, We are putting our spare room up for rent. LOL. If you ever need it. You really need to get out, even if it means paying rent. Get on domain.com.au right now and browse for rentals. It is no good for your sanity. And of course you are a great mother. My inlaws were over on Monday and I would have rather smashed my head on a brick wall. She pissed me off and then when I had a sour look on my face, she took an effing pic of me?? WHAT IS THAT??? and this is with a camera that takes film! (cause they are dinosaurs) so there is no deleting it! Chin up. Just totally withdraw from them and stay in your room with the door shut.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AT least she wants a pic of you, there are ZERO pics of me. Well one, cause it has my husband in it. Other than that NOTHING, you would think she may want a pic of Georgi and I together? To show people her grand daughter has a mother, but sadly no. I know im not much to look at, but shit, i am the kids mother.
      Thanks for the comment Laura, hope your well xoxo

      Delete
    2. Shutup. You are beautiful.

      -Husband

      Delete
    3. oh silly your meant to say that ;)

      Delete
  6. I have long dreamed of a shed that I could go to and scream in when it all gets too much. If I had one, I'd let you use it!

    If you and Georgi have a wonderful relationship and you know that she is thriving with you, then remember that and hold onto it. There is so much mother judgement in our world, but just ignore it. You know what's best for you, and YOU need to be sane in order to be the best mother you can be. There is no selfishness in taking care or yourself. Money is *not* *NOT* worth misery, darling. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what I need a shed I can scream in. Thank you lovely Hannah xo

      Delete
  7. Oh hon I hope you guys move out asap! I lived with my folks for a year and it almost broke me & I love them t death & get along great with them.

    My tips are get out of the house as much as you can. I tried to be gone from dawn to dusk if I could just to try and get some time out.

    I tell you once you guys have your own space again you will appreciate it SO MUCH & realise how much more stressful things were than you even realised.

    Good luck with the Sydney rental search. xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The thing is Aneets, I know the In Laws care about us, but its just getting all a bit much. Too many comments etc, I'm going to loose my mind soon. If i hear one more time that my girl is like the MIL's younger daughter, Georgi's aunty, i think ill scream. I dont even factor a comparison to MY DAUGHTER!
      I need to learn to just block it out, seems i wasn't born with the gene, but im learning.
      I hear you on the getting out of the house, why do you think we bought a car???!!! I am still getting used to where I live, LOVE my GPS!!!

      Delete
    2. Oh man it must drive you insane! Just keep ignoring it & keep searching for a rental.

      Let me know if you ever head out Parramatta way Leah & you can vent to me in real life!

      Delete
  8. Oh Hun, sorry to read this. I don't think you're crazy at all. As much as I love my in laws there is no way I could live with them! I don't even think I could live back with my own parents!!! Especially now being a Mum, we need time to relax, wind down, be 100% comfortable in our surroundings. You don't get that in someone else's house, no matter who they are. I hope the light at the end of the tunnel comes quickly for you, until then, keep doing what you're doing. Go for nice walks, be out and about and enjoy each others company. Xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will. Thanks for your lovely comment Reezy :D

      Delete
  9. I'm so sorry to hear that you've been feeling so stressed lately. It would be a very difficult living situation that would test most so I hope that a place of your own isn't too far away! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It shouldn't be too far away, thanks for your comment Lorraine :)

      Delete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.