I have now been living with the In Laws a little over 4 months. It feels like so much longer. It doesn't feel like it is working out at all. This was meant to be a time that the Husband and I could save a little money, to help give us a boost. So far it seems to not be working out, mentally anyway.
All this has made me a horrible person. Has made me question so much about myself.
Is it the mumma gene taking over? Am I becoming, what I have always dreaded? A mother that doesn't like anything her In Laws do? That is a little too over protective of her child?
When it is just Georgi and I, i find I am at my happiest. No anxiety, we have so much fun together. She is always laughing at her mumma, and I don't question myself, EVER. I think I am a good parent. She is a wonderful baby, honest. She eats and sleeps very well. And she's generally a happy baby.
Most of the time I think, let it go, let them do whatever they want, the kid won't remember. But sometimes, my blood just boils and I get so angry! I need to learnt to calm down. Take a breath, walk away from it. Why do I get so upset? So frustrated, tired, anxious, angry, so teary? Is it part of being a parent? Or am I the only crazy lady?
I am so over my living situation that I have wanted to walk out many times, on everything and everyone, the only problem is I have no where to go. And I need to think about Georgi first. Not my own selfish needs to get away.
I have been told I am a sensitive person. I disagree to a point. I think yes, I am sensitive, but sensitive to negativity ALL. THE. TIME. The whole reason why we moved around so much was to get away from it all. Now I'm right in the thick of it. Again. *sigh*
I understand that people can't always get along, but they can be civil, or at least pretend? Can't they?
There is only so much a person can take before they SNAP! I feel it on the horizon, and I'm trying my best to keep it at bay. I have been going for long walks to help soothe my crazy mind, even if it is out to shopping centres, this is great for G she loves to people watch, she is super nosey my little girl.
OK. END OF RANT, now deep breath Leah...