Thursday, November 1, 2012
Sorry If This Post Contains TMI
I'm scared to have sex. there I finally said it, phew.
The idea of it right now gives me the chills, sorry hubs....
Its all because of my recent miscarriage. I know it is. You see I don't want to have another one, and I know that this plays in the back of my mind. Like a horrible EVIL NIGHTMARE, the worst thing that you can think of when pregnant came true.
I want more kids though, so its only a matter of time, I will get over my fear. I know I have to just get it over and done with, that's how you conquer fear and anxiety....right?
Hopefully one day I will be up the duff, again, I'm looking forward to it! Even though I had morning sickness the whole way through, and other lovely things, like reflux, pinched nerve in my back, insomnia and dreadful cramps, I loved being pregnant. Being a mother is the best thing I have ever done with my life. This may sound so simple to most people. But everyone has a calling, to be a surgeon, lawyer, baker, architect, chef or whatever, mine was to be a Mother. Or a "Money", as my precious little one calls me hahahahaha.
I love it. I know this is what I was meant to do with my life. Yes I believe the cliche that this is the MOST important job in the world. I am influencing and helping another human through life. Hopefully in a very good way. At the very least I want her to feel loved, appreciated and to know that she can come to her Mother for anything.
I've said it before, I have the most patient partner ever. I dont know how he puts up with most of the shit I put him through. His family don't like me to start with, this puts a major strain on our usually wonderful relationship.
I really need to learn to let stuff go, not dwell on what people say. So what if they don't like me, not everyone gets along? And now this crazy phobia I have developed. Yep he is a lucky man to end up with all my shitty baggage. I know we will get through this, and be better for it. Its going to take some time is all. Or maybe we need to move away again? We are so much better on our own. Not worrying who's going to drop by? or how we are going to navigate Christmas?
How do you get over and irrational fear?
Are you a, just do it person?