Friday, January 18, 2013

How Do You Stop Others From Feeding Your Kid?



How to stop others from feeding your kid?....If only I knew cause this is absolute pet HATE!

Maybe if I had a kid that didn't eat, I wouldn't mind so much. But my little G eats, and when I say she eats, she eats very well. She loves her food, always asking for "more!" To the point that some people have dubbed her Oliver, cause all she says is "more, more MORE!" She would eat till she explodes! She really doesn't stop eating unless there is a far more exciting option. Balloons, other children etc.

I go out of my way to prepare, balanced and healthy meals for her. I love doing this for my whole family. I really do. It's something I get a kick out of. I love seeing G's face light up trying something new. Eating freshly made tofu and sushi or falafel and hummus, all sorts of foods and cultures. She has very rarely said no to anything except meat. She likes meat, but not a lot of it. Yes we eat a lot of vegetarian foods, which she prefers and enjoys more.

This is why I suppose it gets to me that people, family, friends and even strangers, try to give her junk food rubbish. Don't get me wrong, I want my daughter to experience all sorts of foods, even chocolate. But I would like to be the one to give her this, I can control how much she is given. Or at least PLEASE ask me if she can eat it! My biggest disappointment are friends and family. They should support me in my choice's. Choosing to feed my child so healthy most of the time is MY CHOICE. I don't need negative comments, or weird looks because I ask people not to give her this stuff. They look at her, like oh you poor thing, your mother is sooooo controlling, but this is not the case. She has most likely just enjoyed a freshly baked pear and raspberry bread at home, or a fruit and spinach smoothie, or  a softly boiled egg with soldiers, or freshly cut fruit salad with yoghurt and muesli. My kid eats really well.

They funny thing is I think I'm looking after my child by making sure she doesn't eat much junk. I've seen kids have packet chips for breakfast for God's sake! This makes me so upset and angry!!! At least give them a yoghurt if you need packet convenience. Or something similar. I realise I'm criticizing these people, the exact thing I hate people doing to me, but I feel like I need to stand up for all the mums that bother to do these things for their children. We are being made out to be the bad guys. I'm sick of going to a children's playgroups, and the only food that I see some kids have is junk! Lollies, chips, chocolates etc, it makes me sick. I need to find a group of adults that enjoy feeding their kids well, and are happy for it, and don't look at it like it is SUCH A CHORE!

This week had been full of such battles, she has been given, without hesitation, biscuits, chocolate, lollies and extra helpings of food, mostly cause she is asking for it "more, more MORE!" People think she is cute, I know she is, but this is no excuse for a nurse in a doctors surgery to offer her a snake, true story this happened a few days ago, of all places....

I am no where near perfect, she has all sorts of food. I just like to limit it a little, if she wants to try chips, she can but just a few... Or a little tiny bit of chocolate. Or the occasional gelato, if I know what its made from etc. I hope I'm helping her to already understand the joy of food. I adore food, but I think the problem with most people is there are no limits. Even for their kids. Do what you like with YOUR child, but don't hand mine a cookie, unless either of her parents say it's ok...



What do you do? Do you simply tell them please don't feed my child? Or do you turn a blind eye and let them enjoy whatever they want? within reason or coarse.



25 comments:

  1. I've heard parents complain of this issue before...often as these other people don't know if your kid has an allergy to something or not. I always ask before handing over food - but if I had a child I would simple say please don't give her anything to eat...she's had enough.

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    1. If only it was that easy...Some people don't listen!

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  2. Hmm, this is a tough one & I don't have a real solution even after 3 kids. I don't find it to be such a huge issue for my kids so much as they aren't around other people who want to give them crap at mealtimes. If I eat out with them it is always sushi, yum cha, or pho etc. All healthy.

    My parents also eat well & while they do love to shove chocolate & ice cream in their faces when we're over they don't do this enough for me to care about it too much.

    If you are finding your extended family a trial (I know P23 has more issues here due to in laws- my MIL is not one who ever has us over) I would just be firm & not invite any debate. Just shut people down. This is the way we do things. Full stop.

    Perhaps let G have a taste of the chocolate etc & then just put it away out of her reach. I find with most kid issues the more zen I am in my approach the more people back off. If I am too passionate about something people get argumentative & try press the point.

    Isn't parenting fun?

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    1. It seems to get so much more difficult.
      I do give her a tiny bit of whatever it is they offer but that's it!
      I will have to learn this zen business you talk of ;)

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  3. I never even thought about this and now fear that I am 'that' aunt who overindulges my niece! Her mum runs a very tight ship and they usually don't have anything processed etc but if my niece (who is 9) begs me for McDonalds every few months, I give in!!

    She is a good girl though and will usually choose the healthy option or eaten what she is given as this is what she does prefer most times.

    Do people seriously give their kids chips for breakfast?! What the heck.

    One of my friends makes all the baby food at home with fresh produce and the other mums in her mothers group make snide jokes about it all the time. So rude.

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    1. This is me! I'm like your friend. I get asked how I can bother etc. or they say things behind my back. Can be very upsetting.

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    2. This is totally about the others feeling guilty about not doing the same & trying to make themselves feel better by criticising you! Hold your head high babe, I always made my own baby food too & never let anyone make me feel like an idiot for doing so. Ditto with the extended breastfeeding etc.

      You need to develop a teflon like shell so things just slide off. x

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  4. I'm a nurse and at work with kids that come in I ask the parents first (always first) if their kids can have a jelly or ice cream or biscuit or whatever we have in the cupboard, read: limited+++.

    Sometimes I offer them a sandwich if they have been in all day and not eaten (offer them to the parents too) but I always ask the parents first.

    Their kid, their rules.

    Now I am rethinking the whole food offering, especially if the perception is that a nurse shouldn't offer a snake... is it bad for our profession to offer food? :/ :/ :/

    Good post, it's got me thinking.

    xox

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    1. Thanks. I personally found it strange that a nurse would offer her snakes. Especially at her age she knows she's only 18 months old!
      Really I think you have the right idea. Just ask the parent with the child if its ok. Don't wave it around in their face and then ask though lol. I've seen this too. Of coarse the kid is going to have a break down and want the sweets!

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  5. I'm not a parent, but I think this would bug me, too. Especially as you and I are similar in that we feel genuine joy from feeding our loved ones balanced meals (which of course includes treats sometimes! But largely a healthy diet).

    Is it possible to say "she's just had a big lunch" to other parents, ie if you take her over to a friend's house? Or, maybe that she doesn't react well to sweets/junk food/whatever so to please avoid it? I know that probably sounds much easier than it is, but surely there are some other conscious parents out there?

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    1. There doesn't seem to be many out there like minded. Or if there are not in my circles unfortunately. It's very disheartening.

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  6. Thanks. I personally found it strange that a nurse would offer her snakes. Especially at her age she knows she's only 18 months old!
    Really I think you have the right idea. Just ask the parent with the child if its ok. Don't wave it around in their face and then ask though lol. I've seen this too. Of coarse the kid is going to have a break down and want the sweets!

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  7. I don't have any bebes yet sweetie but I can certainly understand your concern. My brother was born with a very rare condition and his diet was only way we could manage it, his diet was extremely strict and any deviation could make him ill, sometimes even hospitalised. As he got older he could learn what to say no to but in this day where allergies are so prevalent I'm surprised that other people are not more aware of the dangers. Maybe I am just over sensitive to the topic but the husband and I have already discussed this very situation

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    1. Good point why if she had an allergy?! That's terrible about your brother. Hope he manages it well now though.

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  8. I'm going through this right now.
    I take my daughter's diet seriously - I am basically programming how she eats and what she eats for the rest of her life, so as her mother it is MY JOB to help her live a long and healthy life and by giving her the best start I can with healthy food she can carry her nutritious dietry preferences throughout her life.
    Her diet consists of super foods - tons of veg and fruit, whole grains,nuts and seeds other things like spirulina, chai, seaweeds etc. Every now and again she might have some organic dairy but right now no meat as to me, it just doesn't offer the nutritional quality the other foods do and I have seen too often in my young cousins that meat and sugar, once they have it, becomes the only things they eat.
    She is far from 'deprived' - I make her icecreams made from bananas and sweets sweetened with dates - etc. And IMO, I think that by giving your child junk you are DEPRIVING them of a healthy body, strong immune system, long-term longevity etc. There are no benefits to giving them a candy bar - NONE.
    And despite talking in length to everyone about the WHY of what I feed her I STILL relatives trying to give her their chocolate cakes, fried chicken etc saying 'but she wants it, just let her have it'. My daughter has NEVER eaten it before, YOU are the one who wants to give it to HER - because she could point at a piece of poop on your plate and act like she wants it since she doesn't know what it is. And if they start saying I am a control freak I point out that my daughter has NEVER been sick, not one day in her life, that she is happy, and healthy whilst they are fighting with their children trying to get them to eat 1 piece of vegetable or trying to calm down another manic episode. DIET is HUGELY important.

    I just think it's absolutely ridiculous that I have to JUSTIFY why I only give my daughter healthy foods when everyone KNOWS processed, whitened, sugary, fried foods are NOT GOOD FOR YOU.

    I say put your foot down and if others continue to try to give your daughter junk pick her up and take her away and tell them that you are doing your duty as her mother by protecting her health and maybe they should start doing the same

    As an adult she will thank you for not giving her a junk food addiction like the rest of us have, I am STILL trying to battle my urges to gorge on sugary white flour foods that make me feel horrible but that I want because I had them the entire beginning of my life. Like most adults I had to MAKE myself like veg because of my poor childhood diet. Right now my daughter LOVES kale and coconut water and brown rice because they are what she knows - once humans eat sugar and white flour etc we prefer it, and the good foods like veg become unappetizing.

    stay strong mumma despite the criticisms.

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    1. Your reply made me cry! This is exactly what we go through.
      Poop on a plate! Bahahah! EXACTLY!
      If only it was that easy to tell people what to feed her. I have resorted to feeding her myself and leaving snacks etc if she happens to be cared for by others.
      Thanks for your lovely reply, miss your blog!
      Xoxo

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  9. I'm not sure how to stop others as I don't have any experience but whenever I have something, I ask the parents away from their kids if they can eat it.

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    1. Thank goodness someone sensible! I think that you should always ask the carer Lorraine, not just shove food in front of a child and then ask. Like I've known and see people do all the time.
      Thanks for commenting :)

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  10. Oh gosh! How frustrating. My first bub is due in 10 weeks and I can imagine this would drive me up the wall.

    x
    Michelle
    www.michellesstylefile.com

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    1. Oh good luck! Yeah it's annoying when it comes from family and friends!!

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  11. Leah!!! I have the same thoughts. I imagine that I will be wanting to control what my child eats, naturally having healthy unprocessed foods. However I am already VERY aware that others will be offering & giving foods in situations & I'll lose some of that control.

    I agree, I don't think the occasional junk food is the end of the world. It's more that I fear it'll happen so frequently that it'll feel too much, as parties etc seem to just revolve around junk food. Although having said that I went to my fair share of parties filled with junk, and I ate white bread growing up (still had a very healthy diet, lots of veg & mum would always make things from scratch). But I still have a very healthy relationship with food & choose a more wholesome diet. I'm sure G will appreciate all you've done, instilling in her a love of quality food & wholesome eats.

    Guess what I'm trying to say is, I share these feelings. I'm SURE I'll be judged for saying no thanks. please don't give my kid that, etc, But I'll darn well say it anyway. Could you try and schedule catch ups to be not around food so much? hmm considering your cultural background this may be difficult ;) But you know what I mean? More park plays, etc & less times where mums are having eats & the risk of judgement/feeding G junk is less?

    I don't think I've been much help. I think it's going to be an ongoing thing you'll always deal with, unfortunately. But know that you have a right to choose healthy foods & limit junk & nourish G as wonderfully as you are. Giving her a taste is fine, then you move on - as you do. This will be the way to go, I feel, as no doubt junk temptations and offerings will be coming at you & her likely even stronger in the future. Unless you move to Norway, perhaps. They seem to have it figured out :)

    Stay strong, try to avoid judgement/temptation situations as best you can, don't worry about little tastes and just focus on the wholesome wonderful diet you are giving her, which is the bulk of what she's eating & the most important thing.

    Heidi xo

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    1. Thank you for your comment Heidi. I actually think going to a park or something is a great idea! It seems like toddlers eat all the time, but I'm going to try this suggestion and see what happens.
      Family are actually the most difficult sometimes. You would think they would be the people that would support you!

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  12. Oh man. you are making me scared to become a mumma. I am going to go through the same struggles as you. I feel for you so much. My family judge my husband and call him crazy and OCD about how he does things and it really bothers me, but it is because they are the dirty lazy ones and my husband is normal and they are jealous. Thankfully this judgment doesn't really impact us, unlike them feeding our kid rubbish, which will definitely happen. ARGGGHH!

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    1. Sorry babei don't mean to make you scared about becoming a mother. It has more rewards than downs!
      This is something that upsets me mostly cause of others. And I'm sick to death of having to explain myself. Or lie that she has allergies etc.
      Your both going to be wonderful parents. No need to stress yet! :)

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